Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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