party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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