i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
