he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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