Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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