these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
