Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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