I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
