Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
