Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
