the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
