I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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