the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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