he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
