I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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