we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
