I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
