wat bout pragnant strippers??
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
