There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
