Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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