Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
