Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
