I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
