You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
