Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
