If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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