I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
