just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
