I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
