Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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