I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
