The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
