u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
