I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
