i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
