My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
