found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
