Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Mom said you looked used
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
