Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
