I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
