Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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