drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
