a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
