They should really pass out barf bags in church
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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