Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
