bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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