Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
