Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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