I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
