I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
