Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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