Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
