Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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